Starr and Cole finally know the truth!!! What a relief, right? It's been how many months of the young lovebirds moping around Llanview mourning their dead baby? Seven? But they're not out of the woods yet. For a shortened week there was certainly no shortage of soapy drama -- John and Marty even kissed! So without further ado, let's head to the highlights.

Funniest Moments: Kyle, whom we're really starting to like despite the fact that he's been on the dastardly side of several recent scandals, is stewing in the police station when he blurts out: "I can't go to jail! I have to go to my sister's funeral!" We know jails and funerals are no laughing matter, but somehow in this case it was.

And Langston got in a good zinger after Dorian told her adoptive daughter that Lola had murdered her own mother: "Wow. I just thought she was bitchy."

WTH? Thing: Bess's black wig. What dime-store costume shop off the Pennsylvania turnpike did she pick that Louis Brooks-style bob wig in? It looked like a skinned rat fell on her head. She should have been pulled over by the fashion police if not the actual highway patrol for egregious wig-wearing while driving!

Performer of the Week: Bree Williamson in her three roles of Jess, Tess, and Bess. It is not easy to act opposite yourself, and for most of the week Bree was alone in a car talking to a baby or herself in the rearview mirror. Then Bess finally showed up in West Virginia and continued having conversations with Tess in the hallway mirror. That's when Tess got to say her best line, warning Bess about the Navy: "Brody's probably crawling towards this house on his belly as we speak." And, as usual, Tess was right! Why doesn't anyone ever listen to her?

Honorable mention goes to Dorian's black and white sparkle-collared jacket on Wednesday's episode. Tres chic!