In a Word: Crazy is definitely the word, as Kimberly goes gung-ho psycho, Jo goes up against her dead baby daddy's parents, and Alison hits the bottle so hard it hits her back. Meanwhile, Amanda's dad returns to get back at his daughter and Jake. Plus, Dr. Peter Burns arrives. Finally, Amanda meets her scheming match.
The Action: After the hit-and-run, Michael has amnesia. Jailed Jane goes free when she fingers Sydney for the crime. Kimberly tells Syd she'll be her alibi — then plants a blonde wig at Syd's place. (Never trust a psycho, Syd.) Syd ends up in the nuthouse, but Matt believes Syd's story that Kimberly set her up. Jane needs Michael to sign off on her business deal with new squeeze Chris, so she and Matt go to the beach house, where Matt finds Kimberly's wig collection. During a showdown at the hospital, Matt rips Kimberly's wig off in front of everyone! Syd can't deal with the mental institution, so she takes a plea bargain, and Jane takes her in.
Later, Syd tries to seduce Michael by telling him she's some chick named Miranda. But Michael gets his memory back — and keeps it on the DL for a while — so he turns the tables on Syd and then dares Kimberly to kill him. Kimberly can't do it because she loves Michael too much, so the happy nasty couple is back!
Billy figures out that Alison's dad molested her, and he breaks up an evil family reunion between Alison and her dad at her sister Meredith's place in San Francisco. Alison and Meredith go home to Wisconsin to file charges against their dad, and Meredith freaks when she realizes no one will believe them. But Alison confronts daddy in public. And he confesses! Great job, Alison!
Back in L.A., Alison finds out that Billy has a new gig copywriting at the ad agency. This bugs Alison for some reason, so she breaks up with Billy. He starts dating the new secretary at D&D, then takes up with Alison's college roommate, Susan, who's moved in with Alison at MP. Alison says she's OK with the Billy and Susan thing, but starts drinking again and fights with Susan at a party. Billy asks Susan to move in with him. Later, Alison gets sloshed at yet another party and hooks up with a musician named Zack. While driving drunk, Alison hits a boy on a bike. She gets busted for DUI, but witnesses say the bicyclist was at fault, so Alison gets off. Billy's still with Susan, but he helps Matt talk Alison into rehab. While in treatment, Alison meets Terry, a hunky pro football player, and takes up with him. Susan thinks Billy still likes Alison, however, and leaves him. Later, Terry proposes to Alison, but he also has a groupie problem, so she doesn't go for it.
Jake and Amanda break up. Amanda's dad, Palmer, comes back to get his revenge on Jake for ratting him out to the feds. Palmer has a chick named Brittany seduce Jake. Then Palmer tells his daughter he needs money to pay off some debts so thugs won't hurt Amanda. But Brittany double-crosses Palmer, shoots him, and blows up Jake's boat. The Coast Guard rescues Jake, who gets a fat reward from the FBI for helping them reel in Brittany. He uses the money to buy the gang's hangout, Shooters.
Poor Syd can't stay out of trouble even when she tries. Jane's squeeze, Chris, is a psycho jerk who hits on Sydney and plans to marry Jane for her money. Syd tries to warn her sister, but Jane throws her out. Jake helps Syd by giving her a job at Shooters. Syd, Michael, and Kimberly follow Chris and Jane to stop their Vegas wedding. Kimberly and Michael get married instead. Jake beats up Chris and sleeps with Syd. But later, Chris rips Jane off and kidnaps Syd. At first Syd is OK with it, because Chris gives her stuff. But he loses all the money he stole from Jane and turns abusive, so Syd calls Jake for help. Jake, Michael, and Jane rescue Syd, and somehow Michael and Jane end up sleeping together. (Do we even have to say that Kimberly is livid when she finds out?) Jake finds out Syd slept with Chris and breaks up with her.
Syd falls in with a cult but soon regrets it, because the leader turns out to be a sleaze who wants her to kill people. Jane and Jake get her out, and Jake gives Syd her job back, but he's with Jane, so Syd is bummed. Being Sydney, she has no choice but to totally ruin Jake and Jane's thing — which she does very well. Later, Syd gets control of Jane's design firm, but Jane tricks Syd into giving it back to her. Jane has money problems and appeals to a guy named Richard for help. She sleeps with him, which doesn't thrill his ex-wife, MacKenzie.
Jo is having her dead criminal boyfriend Reed Carter's baby, and when she admits to his parents that he's the father, they sue for custody. But the baby mania is just getting started. Kimberly tries to "help" Jo by hatching a plan to pretend the baby died, so Jo can go far away and raise her kid in secret. Of course, when the baby boy is born, Kimberly steals him, and she and Michael say he's THEIR kid. (Kimberly can't have her own kids because of the car accident.) Then Dr. Peter Burns, the new chief of staff at Wilshire Memorial, forces the devious doctors to give the baby back. Jo hires a nanny, but the woman kidnaps her child. She's working for the Carters! Jake and Jo go after the nanny, and they sleep together on the way. When they find the Carters at a cabin, Jo charges in to get her son back, and Mr. Carter shotguns her.
She survives but gives the baby up for adoption, which is sad but also wise. Later, Jake's mom dies, and Jo travels with him to the funeral. They run into Jake's half brother, Jess, who's bad news on wheels. Jess soon shows up in L.A., and big-hearted Jake takes him in. But Jess swipes a credit card from a Shooters customer, then gets it on with Jo in the alley behind the bar. Jake throws his bro out, and Jess plots revenge. Jake gets shot, and Jess is behind it. Later, Jess proposes to Jo. She's all, what? And says no. Jess flips out and beats her up. Jake finds Jo all bruised and confronts Jess at a construction site. They fight and fall from a great height.
Peter puts Michael and Kimberly in a coffee ad because he wants to impress Amanda. She has dinner with him. It's the beginning of a deliciously evil relationship. After much manipulation, Peter takes over D&D and makes Amanda the president. Her old boss, Bruce, realizes he's been betrayed and hangs himself in her office — take that, bitch! But Amanda decides Peter is too controlling. She feels bad about Bruce. She even apologizes to Alison! Peter and a chick named Caitlin are plotting against Amanda. But Amanda gets some dirt on Peter from Michael, and pretty soon they're all scheming against each other. First, Peter frames Amanda for using pot and fires her. Then, he plans to kill her with surgery. But Michael saves Amanda's life ... and her job. After Amanda gets cancer, Michael helps her, but Kimberly doesn't like that. She sabotages Amanda's chance for an experimental treatment and tells Amanda she's going to die. Michael talks Amanda down, putting his tongue in her mouth for emphasis. The drama continues, with Michael pretending Amanda is obsessed with him, Amanda getting sicker, and Kimberly overdosing on pills. Once Amanda gets better, she dumps Michael like a load of compost.
Meanwhile, Alison takes over at D&D after a chick named Brooke convinces her to enter a big ad-design competition, and Alison's entry beats Amanda's. Alison gets all hard and toys with Billy. She hires Brooke full-time after Brooke gets her dad, Hayley, to let D&D do a photo shoot at his house. But Amanda goes back to D&D and soon enlists Brooke to help her dethrone Alison. Brooke also hooks up with Billy. She even convinces Hayley to give Alison a job in Hong Kong to get her out of the picture. Alison still loves Billy, but some business with a note she writes to Billy goes wrong, and they don't get back together. Billy marries Brooke instead.
Jeffrey, an old boyfriend of Matt's, is back in town, out of the Navy, and HIV-positive. Matt's a little nervous about the illness thing, but he goes for it anyway. Then Jeffrey breaks up with Matt because he needs to deal with his virus on his own. Later, Matt is in charge of the hospital staff's mental-illness tests, and Kimberly has him assaulted on the street so she can fix her results (because of course they're way past the red zone). The detective who takes the assault case, John Rawlings, is into Matt. Like, way into. But Matt doesn't like him back, and John is a psycho anyway. Finally, Matt takes up with a doctor named Paul, who's married and totally playing Matt. He says he needs Matt's help to come out, but what Paul really needs is someone to frame for his wife's murder.
Kimberly is just totally losing it. She goes to commando camp. While there, she has visions of everyone back at Melrose Place taunting her. She'll show them. She sets up Michael to look like he's stalking her. Then a demon in her motel-room mirror eggs her on to destroy her enemies. Syd and Michael find out that Kimberly's gone off the rails, but the cops don't believe them. Syd trails Kimberly and finds out she's going to blow up the apartment complex. Kimberly catches Syd, gets away from Michael, and gets ready to make Melrose Place go boom!
Our Take: Who knew they could actually come up with a wilder ride than Season 2?
Your Take: Is Billy right to give up on Alison?